Surrender to the Fact that Life isn't Fair
A friend of mine, in response to a conversation we were having about the injustices1 of life, asked me the question, “Who said life was going to be fair, or that it was even meant to be fair?” Her question was a good one. It reminded2 me of something I was taught as a youngster3: Life isn’t fair. It’s a bummer4, but it’s absolutely true. One of the mistakes many of us make is that we feel sorry for ourselves, or for others, thinking that life should be fair, or that someday it will be. It’s not and it won’t. |
One of the nice things about surrendering to5 the fact that life isn’t fair is that it keeps us from feeling sorry for ourselves by encouraging us to do the very best we can with what we have. We know it’s not “l(fā)ife’s job” to make everything perfect, it’s our own challenge. Surrendering to this fact also keeps us from feeling sorry for others because we are reminded that everyone is dealt a different hand; everyone has unique strengths6 and problems in the process of growing up, facing the reality and making decisions; and everyone has those times that they feel victimized7 or unfairly treated. |
The fact that life isn’t fair doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do everything in our power to improve our own lives or the world as a whole. To the contrary, it suggests that we should. When we don’t recognize or admit that life isn’t fair, we tend to feel pity for others and for ourselves. Pity, of course, is a self-defeating8 emotion that does nothing for anyone, except to make everyone feel worse than they already do. When we do recognize that life isn’t fair, however, we feel compassion9 for others and for ourselves. And compassion is a hearfelt10 emotion that delivers loving-kindness to everyone it touches. The next time you find yourself thinking about the injustices of the world, try reminding yourself of this very basic fact. You may be surprised that it can nudge you out of self-pity and into helpful action. |
和一位友人就生活的不公平交談時(shí),她問(wèn)我這樣一個(gè)問(wèn)題,“誰(shuí)說(shuō)生活會(huì )是公平的,或生活應該是公平的?”這個(gè)問(wèn)題問(wèn)得好。它讓我想起年輕時(shí)記取的一個(gè)教訓:生活是不公平的。這著(zhù)實(shí)讓人不愉快,但確是實(shí)情。我們許多人所犯的一個(gè)錯誤便是為自己、或為他人感到遺憾,認為生活應該是公平的,或者終會(huì )有一天會(huì )是公平的。其實(shí)不然,現在不是,將來(lái)也不會(huì )。 |
承認生活并不公平這一事實(shí)的一個(gè)好處便是它激勵我們去盡已所能,而不再自我感傷。我們知道讓每件事情完美并不是“生活的使命”,而是我們自己對生活的挑戰。承認這一事實(shí)也會(huì )讓我們不再為他人遺憾,因為我們領(lǐng)悟到每個(gè)人都被分與一副不同的牌;每個(gè)人在成長(cháng)、面對現實(shí)、做種種決定的過(guò)程中都有各自不同的能力和難題,每個(gè)人都有感到成了犧牲品或遭不公正對待的時(shí)候。 |
承認生活并不公平這一事實(shí)并不意味我們不必盡已所能去改善生活,去改進(jìn)整個(gè)世界。恰恰相反,它正表明我們應該這樣做。當我們沒(méi)有意識到或不承認生活并不公平時(shí),我們往往憐憫他人也憐憫自己,而憐憫自然是一種于任何人無(wú)補的失敗主義的情緒,它只能令人感覺(jué)比現在更糟。但當我們真正意識到生活并不公平時(shí),我們會(huì )對他人也對自己懷有同情,而同情是一種由衷的情感,所到之處都會(huì )散發(fā)出充滿(mǎn)愛(ài)意的仁慈。以后等你發(fā)現自己在思考世界上的種種不公正時(shí),可要提醒自己這一基本的事實(shí)。你或許會(huì )驚奇地發(fā)現它會(huì )將你從自我憐憫中拉出來(lái),采取一些具有積極意義的行動(dòng)。 |
1、injustice:n.非正義,不公正,不公平; |
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