The last thing you want to hear out of a partner's mouth is the name of his or her ex -- but talking about an ex doesn't always signal romantic doom. In fact, it can help build a solid foundation for your current relationship。從你的戀人口中，你最不想聽(tīng)到的就是前任的名字——可是，談?wù)撉叭尾⒎强傄馕吨?zhù)你和他的戀情快要終結，相反，這能為你當下的戀情奠定堅實(shí)的基礎。

　　Experts say the individual

　　growth that leads to healthy, stable relationships begins with heartbreaks, and one of the best ways to turn past disappointments into future relationship successes is to share these experiences with your new partner。專(zhuān)家告訴我們，一段良好的、穩固的戀情來(lái)自心痛和心痛后的個(gè)人成長(cháng)。對你現在的戀人坦白那些心痛經(jīng)歷是從過(guò)去的痛苦中解脫，邁入新的成功戀情的最好的方式之一。

　　But how should you broach the subject? If you've kept in touch with your former flames on social media platforms such as Facebook, you've got an easy in, said Dr. Linda Young, a psychologist 。你要怎么開(kāi)口談?wù)撨@個(gè)話(huà)題呢？心理學(xué)家，琳達·楊說(shuō)，如果你與你的前任在臉書(shū)網(wǎng)這樣的社交網(wǎng)絡(luò )平臺上還有聯(lián)系，你就可以順利的引入這一話(huà)題。

　　But dredging up stories of past flames can be treacherous, and it's worth taking the time to think about how to do it right. Here are five things to know before talking about an ex with your partner。但是重提舊事，談?wù)撃愕那叭慰赡苡悬c(diǎn)背叛現任的味道，所以，花點(diǎn)時(shí)間想想如何正確處理此事將很有必要。在你向戀人談?wù)撃愕那叭沃?，要先了解如下五件事情?/p>

　　1.Recalling past relationship mistakes makes you less inclined to repeat them。反思自己在舊的戀情中曾犯過(guò)的錯誤能讓你避免重蹈覆轍。

　　When you've been dumped, areas of the brain associated with addiction as well as physical pain light up, said Helen Fisher, chief scientific adviser to Match.com and a senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. Human brains have evolved to "attach" to other people after forming romantic bonds. When a relationship ends and that attachment severs, there's a huge emotional and physiological hit. After that, brain regions associated with processing what happened fire up.Match.com的首席科學(xué)顧問(wèn)，金賽研究所的高級研究員海倫·菲舍說(shuō)，當對方提出分手的時(shí)候，你的大腦中那些與依戀感和心理疼痛感相關(guān)的區域都會(huì )趨于興奮。在你和他人建立戀愛(ài)關(guān)系的時(shí)候，大腦會(huì )衍生出一種對對方的“依戀”感。當戀情告終，這種依戀關(guān)系斷裂的時(shí)候，你就會(huì )感到巨大的情感和心理打擊。在這之后，大腦中相應的應對區域就會(huì )興奮起來(lái)。

　　2.Talking about past relationships can give your partner insight into who you are。談?wù)撨^(guò)去的戀情能讓你的戀人深入地了解你。

　　Aside from the evolutionary benefits, talking about your exes can help you communicate to your new partner how you grew into the person you are today. Often, romantic relationships serve as learning experiences that let you test the boundaries of your interests and needs. Reflecting on a past relationship can even help you find out something about yourself that you may have missed during the relationship and breakup。除了腦部機制這方面的好處之外，談?wù)撃愕那叭芜€有助于讓你的新伴侶了解你是如何成長(cháng)為現在的你的。戀愛(ài)關(guān)系往往能成為你了解自身的契機，讓你更好的看清自己的愛(ài)好和需求所在。反思過(guò)去的戀情能有助于你更好地了解自己，了解你在那段戀情中所缺失的是什么，而這種缺失的東西正是你們分手的原因。

　　3.When it comes to talking about an ex, timing is everything。當你準備談?wù)撉叭蔚臅r(shí)候，選好時(shí)機是最關(guān)鍵的。

　　The beginning of a new relationship may not be the best time to drop the ex bomb. Fisher explained that there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to timing, but you probably want to give a relationship time to develop before adding in any emotional third parties -- i.e., avoid talk of your ex on the first date. 剛開(kāi)始一段新戀情的時(shí)候或許不是談?wù)撉叭芜@樣嚴肅話(huà)題的最佳時(shí)機。菲舍解釋說(shuō)，至于何時(shí)為最佳時(shí)機，沒(méi)有固定不變的準則，不過(guò)，或許你會(huì )想先給當下的感情一點(diǎn)時(shí)間發(fā)展壯大，然后再涉及到感情上的第三個(gè)人——也就是說(shuō)，在初次約會(huì )的時(shí)候要避免提到你的前任。

　　4.Remember that perception may not match reality。記住，現實(shí)的才是最好的。

　　When Fisher polled a representative sample of 5,000 Americans for Match.com recently, she asked people how long it takes them to get over an ex and found the average answer was about three months。菲舍最近在Match.com網(wǎng)站上對5000名美國人做了一個(gè)抽樣調查，她問(wèn)這5000人，他們要花多長(cháng)時(shí)間才能忘掉前任，最普遍的答案是三個(gè)月。

　　"But you know what? It's one of the few things I didn’t believe," she said. "I actually don't believe that. I've seen people take 10 years."“但是你知道嗎，這是世上我絕不相信的事情之一?！彼f(shuō)：“我當真不能相信。我見(jiàn)過(guò)有人花十年才能忘掉前任的?！?/p>

　　However long it may take you to get over an ex, how you talk about that person when you're in a new relationship can reveal a great deal. If you're still grieving over an ex, that can create a barrier between you and your current partner and signify that you're not "over it."無(wú)論你要花多長(cháng)時(shí)間才能忘掉你的前任，當你開(kāi)始新的戀情時(shí)，你向對方談?wù)撉叭蔚姆绞蕉紩?huì )表現出來(lái)你對前任的態(tài)度。如果你仍在懷念前任，就會(huì )在你和現任的戀人之間設立一個(gè)障礙，告訴對方你的上一段戀情還沒(méi)有“了結”。

　　You can still have fond memories of your exes and bring them up occasionally, but be wary of spending too much time dwelling on the past。你可以對前任仍然懷有美好的回憶，也可以想起他們，但是如果你花了太多時(shí)間回憶過(guò)去，這就要引起警戒了。

　　5.Know that the reason you're talking about your ex is to move forward, not backward。要明白，你談?wù)撉叭蔚脑蚴悄阋蚯白?，而不是向后退?/p>

　　Once you've shared the lessons of past relationships with your partner, it's best to continue to get to know him or her, form a new bond and create new memories -- don't let your current relationship stagnate. There's always more to learn about the relationship at hand, so you'll need to give it as much attention as possible。當你和戀人分享了關(guān)于上一段戀情的教訓之后，最好是進(jìn)而去了解對方，然后雙方建立新的情感聯(lián)系，創(chuàng )立新的記憶——不要讓你當下的戀情擱淺。對當下的戀情，你永遠應該更多地了解它，應該給予它盡可能多的關(guān)注。