One piece ofadvice really grabbed my attention and, I must say, made me feel quiteannoyed.In Li‘s opinion, foreigners are an"opportunity" to improve youroral English; whenever you see a foreigner, you should practicespeaking English to him/her. The writer goes on to say that if theforeigner doesn‘t want to answer your questions, then he/she is a rudeperson who you wouldn‘t want to spend time with anyway.I think thiscounsel is not only incorrect, but also potentially damaging torelations between Chinese and foreigners in China.
Like mostother laowai living in China, I know how isolated one can sometimesfeel living amid a culture far removed from our own familiar ways.However, most of the time this cultural isolation is something I simplyaccept as part of being here. I am, after all, here to learn about thepeople and the language of China and if I really hated this place thenI would go home! So far my time in China has been very rewarding. Ihave improved my Chinese language skills, learnt about one of the mostfascinating, swiftly developing countries in the world today and madesome very close Chinese friends.
Unfortunately,I have also come across many Chinese people who view me purely asan"opportunity"to improve their oral English under the guise of makingfriends. I have experienced people following me home from town to mycollege flat and then harassing me to teach them English or practiceEnglish with them. I have had complete strangers thrusting articles,manuals and speeches in my face, insisting that I help them with theEnglish translation. I have had people asking me to assist withimmigration applications to other countries. All of these people haveclaimed at the time that what they chiefly wanted was to make friendswith me. There was even one person at the weekly English Corner that Irun at college who, after plying me with non-stop questions for half anhour, became very angry when I politely asked him to give other peoplea chance to speak. He puffed himself up like a peacock and informed methat he was simply trying to be my friend.
He may wellhave thought he was trying to be my friend, butswheresI come from youdon‘t build friendships by pestering and badgering another person.Friendship for a lot of Westerners is about spending time with someonewhose company you genuinely enjoy.It‘s not about opportunities orpersonal advantage.The Chinese friends I have made while living herehave been genuine friends to me; we enjoy each other‘s company for itsown sake.In this way, we‘ve not only learnt a good deal about eachother‘s culture but also about each other as individuals.
I‘m notsuggesting that you shouldn‘t approach foreigners at all. However, I dothink that it‘s important to question your own motives. If you trulywant to make friends with someone from a different country, who couldpossibly object?On the other hand, if your only motive is to "use" theforeigner as a way of improving your English, then it‘s quite likelythat the foreigner will be able to see through you - and willdefinitely not want to spend time with you.
So if there‘sany advice to give on making and keeping friendships with foreigners, Iwould say that it is this:Treat foreigners as people, notopportunities.Expect to make friendships gradually, over a period oftime, not instantly. And don‘t ply foreigners with lots and lots ofdisparate questions. At times, this approach comes across as confusingand unnatural.
Finally, Iwould suggest that if you really want to make friends with a foreigner,then you do so because you are genuinely interested in the person. Weall know that true friendships stand the test of time. If your onlyreason for making friends with a foreigner is to upgrade your English,then you will probably find that you don‘t have a foreign friend forlong!
老外直言：怎樣與老外交朋友
幾天前，有這樣一本書(shū)《怎樣和老外交朋友》，作者是因“瘋狂英語(yǔ)”而出名的李陽(yáng)。作為一個(gè)在中國生活了一年的外國人，我自然很想知道一位中國作者在這方面給出了什么樣的忠告。
有一條忠告真是吸引住了我，但我也不得不說(shuō)，這條忠告讓我很懊惱。按照李先生的觀(guān)點(diǎn)，外國人是你提高英語(yǔ)口語(yǔ)水平的“機會(huì )”，只要見(jiàn)到外國人，你就應該上前和他們練英語(yǔ)。作者進(jìn)一步說(shuō)道，如果某個(gè)外國人不想回答你的問(wèn)題，那他（她）就是一個(gè)粗魯的人，是個(gè)你不屑與之交往的人。我認為這一忠告不僅不正確，還會(huì )給中國人和老外的關(guān)系帶來(lái)潛在的危害。
像多數住在中國的老外一樣，我知道生活在遠離自己所熟悉的另一種文化當中，有時(shí)會(huì )感到多么孤獨??！但在多數情況下，我接受這種文化上的孤獨，將其作為生活在這兒的一部分。說(shuō)到底，我來(lái)這里是想了解中國人民和她的語(yǔ)言，如果我真的不喜歡這個(gè)地方，那我早就回國了。到目前為止，我在中國度過(guò)的時(shí)光非常有價(jià)值，我的中文水平提高了，了解了當今世界上最有吸引力的、發(fā)展最快的一個(gè)國家，一些中國人也成了我親密的朋友。
但令人遺憾的是，我也撞見(jiàn)很多中國人，他們借口交朋友但卻只把我看成練口語(yǔ)的“機會(huì )”，有人從城里一直跟到我的學(xué)校宿舍，纏著(zhù)我教他們英語(yǔ)，或是陪他們練口語(yǔ)；還有一些陌生人把文章、手冊、講稿塞到我面前要我幫忙翻譯；還有人要我幫他們寫(xiě)移民申請。所有這些人當時(shí)都聲稱(chēng)主要目的就是與我交朋友。在校園我所主持的每周英語(yǔ)角上，甚至有一個(gè)人不間斷地連問(wèn)了我半個(gè)小時(shí)的問(wèn)題后，在我有禮貌地請他也給別人一個(gè)機會(huì )練英語(yǔ)時(shí)，他竟然生起氣來(lái)。他趾高氣揚像只雄孔雀，告訴我他無(wú)非是想成為我的朋友。
他或許真的想成為我的朋友，但我來(lái)自一個(gè)不可以通過(guò)糾纏與煩擾建立友誼的國度。對于很多西方人來(lái)說(shuō)，友誼是與某人共度時(shí)光，他（她）的陪伴讓你由衷地感到快樂(lè )。友誼并非是“機會(huì )”或是能給自己帶來(lái)什么好處。我在這兒交的中國朋友都是真誠的朋友，我們因為彼此喜歡在一起而在一起。在這種情況下，我們不僅相互了解了很多對方的文化，也加深了個(gè)人間的了解。
在此，我并非建議你根本不與老外打交道。但是，我認為重要的一點(diǎn)是問(wèn)一下自己的動(dòng)機。如果你真的想與來(lái)自異國的人交朋友，誰(shuí)會(huì )反對呢？但話(huà)說(shuō)回來(lái)，如果你唯一的動(dòng)機就是利用老外將其作為自己提高英語(yǔ)的一種手段，那么老外很可能看穿你——那他（她）肯定不想與你共處。
因此，如果說(shuō)我對與老外交朋友并保持友誼有什么忠告，我想說(shuō)的就是：把外國人看成“人”，而不要看成“機會(huì )”；友誼是逐漸形成的，要經(jīng)過(guò)一段時(shí)間，不要期望速成；不要沒(méi)完沒(méi)了地向老外提出大量的互不相關(guān)的問(wèn)題，這樣的接觸方式有時(shí)會(huì )讓老外犯暈或是覺(jué)得不自然。
最后，我想建議，如果你真的想和一個(gè)老外交朋友，那么你就應該是因為真心喜歡這個(gè)人。我們都知道，真正的友誼是經(jīng)受得住時(shí)間考驗的。如果你與老外交朋友的唯一目的是提高英語(yǔ)水平，那你恐怕就不會(huì )有一個(gè)長(cháng)久的老外朋友。
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