許多人都在思考一個(gè)問(wèn)題：“情人和朋友相比，那個(gè)更重要呢？”這是個(gè)很重要且難以回答的問(wèn)題，因為與朋友相比，情人在我們的生活中扮演著(zhù)完全不同的角色。較之朋友，我們對情人有著(zhù)不同的情感和期許。事實(shí)是，我們需要這兩種關(guān)系才能幸?？鞓?lè )，我們絕對不能只選擇情人或配偶或者朋友之中的一個(gè)。
When we have a lover, particularly in the first early, intoxicating, stages of feeling head over heels in love, the intensity of our feelings for our lover is far more overwhelming than the feelings we have about our friends. At such a time, most of us would find it easy to say that a lover is far more important than any friendships we might have.
當我們有了情人，在最初的時(shí)刻我們陶醉其中，那是完全沉浸在愛(ài)海里的感覺(jué)，對愛(ài)人緊張的感覺(jué)與我們對朋友的感覺(jué)相比取得了壓倒性的勝利。在些時(shí)刻，多數人很容易的認為與我們所有的任何友誼相比，愛(ài)人是遠為重要的。
However, the reality is that, sooner or later, a lot of the very intense feelings we have of being madly in love will start to fade. When that happens, we will either develop a different kind of less intense, but long lasting emotional relationship with the person we have been in love with, or we will move on to find a different lover who inspires us with mad passion all over again.
然而事實(shí)上，瘋狂陷入愛(ài)河時(shí)的那種十分緊張的感覺(jué)，或早或晚都會(huì )開(kāi)始消退。到那時(shí)，我們將與愛(ài)人發(fā)展進(jìn)入另一種平和但是更持久的情感關(guān)系之中，或者移情別戀，尋找另一個(gè)能夠點(diǎn)燃我們激情的人。
If we have not maintained our friendships throughout our crazy romance, who will we have to turn to if the relationship falls apart, and our heart is broken? Who is going to be there to tell you, "That guy was never good enough for you." Will the friends you have neglected for several months want to hear from you now that you are alone again? Chances are that if you dropped all your friends because you were in love, they have dropped you too because you were not a reliable friend.
如果我們深陷愛(ài)河時(shí)沒(méi)有保持好朋友之間的友誼，當愛(ài)人離去而自己心靈憔悴時(shí)，我們能尋求誰(shuí)的幫助？誰(shuí)還會(huì )在你的身邊安慰你說(shuō)：那個(gè)人從未全心對你好? 當你心覺(jué)孤獨時(shí)，你忽視了幾個(gè)月的朋友還愿意聽(tīng)你傾訴嗎？可能的情況是：如果你因為愛(ài)情放棄了所有的朋友，他們同樣會(huì )因為你的不可靠而放棄你的。
It is much better to keep your friendships active even while you fall in love with somebody. Your friends can keep you grounded and stabilize you; they can offer you good advice.
當你心系愛(ài)人之時(shí)，如果保持好與朋友之間的友誼情況將會(huì )變得好些。當你為愛(ài)迷失方向，朋友們將會(huì )讓你心情安寧穩定下來(lái)，他們能給你提出好的建議。
Another reason to keep our friendships is because no one person can ever meet all our needs, or match all our interests. No matter how much you love your romantic partner, you need to have new outlooks and new perspectives. You need to be refreshed by outside influences.
另一個(gè)保持友誼的原因是沒(méi)有某一個(gè)人可以滿(mǎn)足我們所有的需要或興趣。無(wú)論你如何深?lèi)?ài)著(zhù)你的另一半，你都需要有個(gè)全新的視角和觀(guān)點(diǎn)。你需要外界影響的補給。
Lovers and friends serve different purposes in our lives. A love relationship is usually more deep and more intense. It activates our most primal emotions, and gives us greater highs and deeper lows than our friendships. Our friendships are far more steady and consistent. They give us a different kind of security and validation, and they often last longer than our romantic partnerships.
在我們的一生中，愛(ài)人和朋友扮演著(zhù)不同的角色。愛(ài)人關(guān)系往往更深切，也更激烈。與友誼相比，愛(ài)情可以激發(fā)我們最原始的情感，給我們帶來(lái)更深切的頂峰，也會(huì )給我們帶來(lái)更痛徹的低谷。友誼更加穩固和持續。它給予我們一種不同的安全感和認同感，其生命力也往往比情侶關(guān)系更強。
Another good reason for maintaining our friendships is because there are many social skills and relationship skills we learn in our friendships that can be a big help in our romantic relationships. For many of us, friendships are the place where we learn about compromise and sharing. We learn about loyalty and discretion.
另一個(gè)保持友誼的原因是其中我們可以學(xué)習到很多社會(huì )及人際關(guān)系的技巧，這些技巧在維持情侶關(guān)系時(shí)有很大的幫助。對我們中的大多數人來(lái)說(shuō)，友誼是我們學(xué)習妥協(xié)和分享，忠誠和謹慎的地方。
At some point, if your romantic relationship lasts, your lover will also become your friend. When that happens, if you haven't learned how to be a good friend, your romantic relationship can die, either quickly, or slowly. By maintaining all your close friendships, you will keep building the emotional skills that make a long term romantic relationship healthier.
在某一時(shí)刻，如果愛(ài)情持續下去，你的情侶也將會(huì )成為你的朋友。到那時(shí)，如果你還沒(méi)有學(xué)會(huì )如何成為一個(gè)好朋友的話(huà)，你的愛(ài)戀關(guān)系也會(huì )枯萎，或迅即，或漸漸。通過(guò)保持親密的友誼，你可以建立一種能夠維持情侶關(guān)系長(cháng)久健康的情感技巧。
You don't need to make a choice when you ask yourself, "Are lovers more important than friends?" You will be much happier if you hold on to your friendships no matter what is going on currently in your romantic life.
當你再自問(wèn)的時(shí)候：愛(ài)人比朋友更重要嗎？，你無(wú)須做出抉擇。不管你現在的情侶生活中正在上演著(zhù)什么，如果你保持好友誼，你將會(huì )更加幸?？鞓?lè )！
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