你是否因為在意別人對自己的看法而曾經(jīng)改變過(guò)自己想法，背對自己的承諾，放棄自己的夢(mèng)想?
I’m betting that you’re a kind, thoughtful person. You want to make the people around you happy, and – naturally enough – you want them to think well of you.
我相信你是個(gè)善良，有思想的人。你想讓身邊的人都感覺(jué)快樂(lè )，自然地，你也希望他們對你有良好的評價(jià)。
There’s nothing wrong with that: it’s part of emotional intelligence, and it’s a good thing.
這沒(méi)有什么不對的。作為情商的一部，這是個(gè)好事！
But it can go too far.
但物極必反。
If you’re constantly worried about what friends, family, colleagues or even strangers in the street might think, then you’re using up a huge amount of energy worrying (and you’re probably holding yourself back from your real goals).
若你老是擔心朋友、家人、同事、甚至走在街上的陌生人怎么想，那么你將花太多精力來(lái)?yè)模ㄟ@樣可能讓自己遠離了自己真正
This is a tough habit to get out of – but the below steps should help.
這是個(gè)很難戒除的習慣，但以下的方式可能有幫助
Step #1: Ask Yourself What Matters to You
第一步：?jiǎn)?wèn)自己什么對你重要
I sometimes worry what people will think of my clothes, or my hair. The thing is, though, physical appearance really isn’t that important to me. Sure, I like to look presentable – but I’ve got virtually zero interest in fashion, and I don’t generally wear makeup.
我時(shí)常擔心人們會(huì )在意我的服飾，我的發(fā)型。然后事實(shí)是外表對我來(lái)說(shuō)，不是那么重要。當然，我也喜歡看著(zhù)漂亮，但我對時(shí)尚真是完全不感冒，也經(jīng)常不化妝。
It’s okay to have different values from the people around you. Maybe you hate cooking, even though your mom thinks you should be preparing a meal from scratch every night. Maybe you can’t stand the gym, even though your best friend works out every day.
你身邊的人有不同的價(jià)值觀(guān)，這是很正常的事情。也許你討厭下廚，即使你母親認為每天晚上你應該親手準備晚餐的。也許你不喜歡健身，但是你的朋友每天為此精疲力竭
Be clear and honest with yourself about what really matters to you. Sure, other people might judge you for not meeting up to their standards – but if you’re true to your own goals and values, then you know you’ve got your priorities right.
清晰坦然問(wèn)自己：什么是最重要的。其他肯定會(huì )通過(guò)他們的標準來(lái)評判你，但是如果你知曉自己的目標和價(jià)值觀(guān)，那么你也會(huì )意識到自己也有優(yōu)先權。
Step #2: Remember That They’re Not All Watching You
第二步：記住并非所有的人都在看你
When I was a teen, I was bullied at school – and even now I find myself worrying that other people are looking at me, maybe even laughing behind my back.
我十歲的時(shí)候，在學(xué)校被人欺負了。到現在我仍然還擔心其他人正看著(zhù)我，甚至在背后取笑我
The truth is, though, I’m not the centre of the world – and neither are you! Most of the people around you are far too busy going about their own lives to think much about you.
然而，事實(shí)上我不是世界的中心，而你也不是。大部分你身邊的人都在忙自己的生活，根本無(wú)暇顧忌你太多。
Maybe you think you said something really dumb at that party, or maybe you’re convinced that the zit on your nose is so obvious, or that everyone’s talking about that mistake you made last week … the truth is, they probably haven’t even noticed whatever it is that you’re worrying about.
也許你認為你自己曾在晚會(huì )上說(shuō)過(guò)一些愚蠢的話(huà)，或你堅信自己鼻子上的青春痘很明顯，或認為每個(gè)人還在討論你上周犯的錯。實(shí)際上人們都沒(méi)有注意到任何你的擔心的問(wèn)題。
Step #3: Recognize That Their Opinion Can’t Hurt You
第三步：認識到他們的觀(guān)點(diǎn)不能傷害你。
So – you’re clear about what really matters and you know that you’re not the centre of attention. Still, there’ll be cases where people make a judgment about you. Maybe it’s at work, or when you’re with friends, or just when you’re out and about.
那么，你對自己重要的事情已經(jīng)清楚了，也明白自己不是世界的中心。盡管如此，還是會(huì )有人們對你的評價(jià)。也許是在上班時(shí)，或當你和朋友時(shí)，亦或者當你出去的
In most situations, people’s opinions can’t hurt you. Sure, that mouthy kid down the road might yell something rude about your haircut, but there’s no way his opinion can affect your life (unless you let it).
多數情況下，人們的觀(guān)點(diǎn)不能傷害到你的。當然，滿(mǎn)口大話(huà)的孩子們可能會(huì )對你的發(fā)型說(shuō)些不好聽(tīng)的話(huà)，但他的觀(guān)點(diǎn)會(huì )影響你的生活，這是不可能的（除非你自己讓它這么做——）
There are a few cases where opinions will make a difference – for instance, your boss’s opinion of you – but are you worrying about the people who matter in your life, or the ones who really don’t?
只有很少的觀(guān)點(diǎn)會(huì )對你的生活產(chǎn)生真正不同的影響，比如：你的老板對你的看法。但，你是在意那些對你生命重要的人，還是那些過(guò)客呢？
You could spend your whole life trying to make strangers and casual acquaintances think good things about you (maybe by spending hours doing your hair every single time you set foot outside your house, or by paying for an expensive car that you can’t really afford). The people who really matter, though, your family and friends, are going to love you for who you are.
你可能花上自己的一生來(lái)讓那些陌生人和隨便的熟人來(lái)提高對自己的看法（每次出門(mén)前，花上幾個(gè)小時(shí)打理自己的頭發(fā)，或買(mǎi)一輛自己更不無(wú)法支付的車(chē)）。而對你重要的人——家人、朋友，喜歡的是真實(shí)的你
Step #4: Accept That You Can’t Control What People Think
第四步：接受你不能控制別人的想法
If you’re a bit of a control-freak like me, this is a tough one – but you can’t control people’s thoughts. You’ve got no idea what might go through their head, or why.
如果你像我一樣有點(diǎn)輕微的控制狂，那這就是個(gè)很難辦的問(wèn)題。但是你不能控制別人的想法，你完全不知道什么樣的點(diǎn)子會(huì )在他的腦子里面產(chǎn)生，以及為什么是這樣？
Different people respond in very different ways. Maybe your friend is really impressed when he sees someone wearing a flashy watch – but you think that person shouldn’t splash money around. Other people will think all sorts of things about you, and their thoughts will say more about them than they do about you.
不同的人都不同的反應方式?？赡苣愕呐笥褌兛吹剿藥е?zhù)的華麗手表而印象深刻，但你卻認為他不該為此亂花錢(qián)。其他人會(huì )對你產(chǎn)生各種各樣的想法，但他們的思想會(huì )更多關(guān)注他們自己而不是你。
Other people’s thoughts – good, bad or indifferent – are their own. Enjoy your own life to the full; you can’t please everyone all of the time, and there’s no need to try to. Next time you’re worrying about what someone might think of you, ask yourself can their thoughts really affect me? … and get on with whatever you want to do.
他人的想法，好、壞或中立都是他們自己的。要欣賞自己豐滿(mǎn)的生活。如果你不能對別人的看法釋?xiě)?，那么也沒(méi)有必要逼著(zhù)自己做。下次當你當心他人對你的評價(jià)的時(shí)候，問(wèn)問(wèn)自己他們的想法會(huì )影響我么？.............................然后繼續自己想干的事情
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