我們在戀愛(ài)約會(huì )階段總會(huì )在頭腦中產(chǎn)生這類(lèi)問(wèn)題：你覺(jué)得我這個(gè)人怎么樣？我們相處得如何？我們有未來(lái)嗎？這次是認真的還是在尋開(kāi)心呢？那么繼續沉默下去還是讓對方了解你的真實(shí)感受？本文的分析會(huì )給你一個(gè)明確的答案。
How do you feel about me? Where is this relationship going? Do we have a future together? Is this turning into something real or are we just really having fun? Those are the questions that go through our minds when we are dating. These questions all cause the topic of this article. Which is harder: staying silent or letting your real feelings be known?
你覺(jué)得我這個(gè)人怎么樣？我們相處得如何？我們有未來(lái)嗎？這次是認真的還是在尋開(kāi)心呢？這些都是我們在約會(huì )時(shí)在我們頭腦中遇到的問(wèn)題。這些問(wèn)題都是本文要談的主題。哪種更難做到：繼續沉默下去還是讓對方了解你的真正感覺(jué)？
Everyone knows that the real and honest way to be in a relationship is to say what you feel, and mean what you say. But what if that comes at the cost of possibly losing someone who you enjoy more than any other person you have ever met?
我們都知道，表達你的感受，讓人了解你的想法，是在戀愛(ài)中一種真誠的方式?？墒?，如果付出的代價(jià)可能會(huì )是失去你所遇到過(guò)的最喜歡的人，那又該怎么辦呢？
Here is the situation: You are dating someone. It''''s been several months of nothing but wonderful, for both of you. There have been no blow ups, communication is at the forefront and the only obligation you have ever given each other is to be honest. But then it''''s time for the ''''what are we talk''''. The natural reaction when things are going well is to avoid it at all costs. ''''If it aint broke'''', right?? Wrong.
這里有一個(gè)情景：你正和某人約會(huì )。這幾個(gè)月你們雙方都對對方感覺(jué)很好。彼此都沒(méi)有向對方發(fā)脾氣使性子，凡事先溝通交流意見(jiàn)，唯一堅守的義務(wù)就是彼此都要做到誠實(shí)坦誠相待?？墒潜M管這些都做到了，接下來(lái)該談?wù)劇拔覀冊撜勔徽劇绷?，“如果沒(méi)有分手”，當一切都進(jìn)展得不錯時(shí)很自然的做法就是不計一切阻止它，對嗎？錯。
What if you are feeling the need to have such an important conversation but have fears as to whether or not it will actually end with the dreaded ''''I''''m not ready to commit''''. We really need to start listening to our instincts. If you are too afraid to tell your partner how you truly feel and having those feelings truly validated, there is a high chance your relationship is doomed for failure. If you hold onto your feelings in secret, your relationship is doomed to fail. If you can''''t find the gumptionto even awkwardly ask, ''''Where are we going with this'''', the answer is easy... nowhere. You cannot have any sort of meaningful relationship based on the pseudosolid ground of secrets. If your instincts are telling you that your partner will run the other way at the sheer thought of having to define the difference between just dating and girlfriend/boyfriend, I''''m sad to say but your relationship is probably doomed.
如果你感覺(jué)需要進(jìn)行一次這樣重要的對話(huà)溝通，卻又擔心是否會(huì )以“我還沒(méi)準備好承擔什么”而結束。我們真的需要開(kāi)始跟著(zhù)我們的直覺(jué)走。如果你不敢向對方說(shuō)出你的真實(shí)感受，沒(méi)有需要求證確認的那種強烈感覺(jué)，你們的關(guān)系極有可能注定是走向失敗。如果你把你的感情藏起來(lái)，你們的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系注定要失敗。如果你無(wú)法走下去甚至還笨到尋問(wèn)對方的地步，“我們相處得怎么樣？答案很簡(jiǎn)單……毫無(wú)結果?；谀銏允氐氖莻文_踏實(shí)地類(lèi)的秘密，你的這段戀愛(ài)關(guān)系沒(méi)有任何意義。如果你的直覺(jué)是對方會(huì )逃跑，滿(mǎn)腦子都在思索關(guān)于單純的約會(huì )和女朋友/男朋友之間的區別，抱歉！你們的關(guān)系可能是注定沒(méi)有結果的。
Instead, take the chance. Find the nerve and confidence and let your partner know what you need. It is not selfish or needy or insecure to define a need for validation. If any aspect of a relationship is lacking you need to tell your partner. You need to maintain the original promise of the only obligation between the two of you being honesty. If you needed more physical affection from your partner you would ask for it. So why would you deny yourself and your partner that same respect when it comes to something as easy as validation.
反而一定要抓住這個(gè)機會(huì )。鼓起勇氣充滿(mǎn)信心，讓對方了解你需要什么。在這段戀愛(ài)關(guān)系需要反復確認自己的感受，這不是一種自私、不是一種窘迫、也不是沒(méi)有安全感。當然這個(gè)說(shuō)法恰好代表了本文的關(guān)鍵詞。如果你們的戀愛(ài)關(guān)系有任何缺失，你要告訴對方。你需要保持你們之間最初承諾的做到彼此誠實(shí)坦誠相待這唯一的一項義務(wù)約定。如果你需要從對方身上得到更多的愛(ài)，就大膽地去要求。所以，你為什么要否認自己需要求證確認的這種感受呢？對方也想從你身上輕松地求證確認自己的感受。
Take the chance. The reality is that either way, you win; even if you do end up breaking up in the end. At least then you would know early enough on that any time and feelings invested are not going to be as earth shattering as looking back two years later and still not having what you need in a relationship.
抓住這個(gè)機會(huì )。其實(shí)不管怎樣即使你最終分手了，你還是贏(yíng)了。至少你趁早弄明白了自己的感受，感情投資的代價(jià)還不算太大。兩年后，回過(guò)頭來(lái)看看還是不是自己想要的一段戀愛(ài)關(guān)系。
Keep these words in mind, ''''you don''''t get what you don''''t ask for''''. It is so much more difficult and overall damaging to all involved to deny your own needs and hold your feelings in. Find the nerve, find the respect for yourself and the other person and just lay it out there and more importantly, just be honest.
記住這句話(huà)：“你不想要的東西自然就得不到”。很難完全否認自己的感情確認求證需求和你自己對感情的投入程度。要有勇氣找到自己和他人的因素，彼此做到誠實(shí)坦誠相待這一點(diǎn)在戀愛(ài)關(guān)系中非常重要。
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