Our Weddings, Our Worth
我們的婚姻，我們的尊嚴
HOW will the Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage alter the way Americans feel about the country, and how we feel about ourselves?
最高法院(Supreme Court)的同性婚姻裁決，會(huì )如何改變美國人對這個(gè)國家的看法，以及我們對自己的看法？
I can’t speak for everyone. But I can speak for this one 12-year-old boy.
我無(wú)法替所有人作答。但我可以為這個(gè)12歲男孩說(shuō)幾句。
He stands out among his siblings because he lacks their optimism about things, even their quickness to smile. He has a darkness that they don’t. He’s a worrier, a brooder. He’s also more self-conscious. He can’t get comfortable with himself.
他在自己的兄弟姐妹中顯得不一樣，因為他沒(méi)有那種樂(lè )觀(guān)的態(tài)度，甚至不像他們那么容易露出笑容。他有一種他們沒(méi)有的陰沉。他是個(gè)憂(yōu)慮、凝思的人。他還有更強的自我意識?？偸怯X(jué)得不自在。
And while this may be his wiring, it may also be something else. He has noticed that his heart beats faster not for girls but for other boys, and the sensation is as lonely and terrifying as it is intense.
這可能是天性使然，也可能不是。他已經(jīng)察覺(jué)到，自己的心跳會(huì )因為別的男孩而加快，而不是因為女孩，這是一種孤獨、恐怖但又熾烈非常的感受。
He doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s sure he’ll be reviled for it, because he hears all of the bigoted jokes that people aren’t necessarily aware that they’re telling, all of the cruel asides that they don’t always realize that they’re muttering. He craves some assurance that he’ll be spared their disdain and disgust. But the world hasn’t given him any.
他不知道該怎么辦。他知道自己肯定會(huì )被斥責，因為他已經(jīng)聽(tīng)過(guò)太多偏執的笑話(huà)，人們在說(shuō)的時(shí)候未必知道那意味著(zhù)什么，他們有時(shí)意識不到自己的牢騷有著(zhù)何其殘酷的一面。他在尋求某種保證，希望自己能躲過(guò)他們的嫌惡與憎恨。但世人拒絕給他這個(gè)保證。
I can speak for a 16-year-old boy. He has a word for what he is — “gay” or “homosexual” or something worse, depending on who’s talking — but he doesn’t have answers for what that’s going to mean. At the mall one afternoon, he surreptitiously breaks away from his friends and steals into a bookstore. He’s looking for something to quiet the fear inside him.
我可以為一個(gè)16歲男孩說(shuō)幾句。他知道有個(gè)詞是說(shuō)他這樣的人的——“同志”(gay)或“同性戀”(homosexual)，還有一些更可怕的，取決于是從什么人嘴里冒出來(lái)——但他不知道這意味著(zhù)什么。一天下午，在一個(gè)購物中心，他悄悄離開(kāi)同行的朋友，溜進(jìn)一家書(shū)店。他想尋找能平撫內心恐懼的東西。
He finds an examination of “being gay in America” that’s called “Alienated Affections.” The phrase rattles him. It sounds like a diagnosis or sinister prophecy. To understand it better, he riffles hurriedly through the pages, glancing over his shoulder repeatedly to make sure that no one’s watching, listening carefully for any approaching steps.
他發(fā)現了一個(gè)對“美國同性戀境遇”的調查，書(shū)名叫《疏離的感情》(Alienation of affections)。這幾個(gè)字令他惶惶不安。聽(tīng)上去像是一個(gè)診斷，或是不祥的預言。為了對它有更多的了解，他匆匆翻閱起來(lái)，時(shí)不時(shí)扭頭看有沒(méi)有人在注視他，留意向他靠近的腳步聲。
His nerve doesn’t last long; he manages to take in only a reference to drag queens, an explanation of bondage, an exploration of homoeroticism among prisoners.
他的勇氣沒(méi)持續多久；只夠讓他讀到書(shū)中提及了一次“扮裝王后”(drag queen)，解釋了“綁縛”(bondage)，還探究了囚犯的同性肉欲。
These are his options? Feathers, chains or the chain gang?
這些就是他的選項？羽毛，鐵鏈，或者跟其他人鎖在一起？
The title of one chapter in particular catches his eye: “Beyond Gay or Gloomy: The Ordinary Miseries of Everyday Life.” Gloomy? Miseries?
其中有一章的標題格外惹眼：“超越同性戀或陰郁：日常生活的平凡苦難?！?Beyond Gay or Gloomy: The Ordinary Miseries of Everyday Life)陰郁？苦難？
He’s not sure he has the stomach for this, or the strength.
他覺(jué)得自己沒(méi)有看下去的胃口或力氣。
He closes the book, along with a bit of his heart.
他合上書(shū)，也合上了自己的心。
I can speak for a 20-year-old college student. He has opened up to his family and to many friends about who he is, not because he possesses any particular courage but because being honest involves less strain, less effort, than keeping secrets and dreading their exposure. Also because he wants to meet men like him, develop crushes he can act on, even fall in love.
我可以為一個(gè)20歲大學(xué)生說(shuō)幾句。他向家人和朋友公開(kāi)了自己的身份，倒不是因為他格外有勇氣，而是因為與其保守秘密，終日憂(yōu)心于被暴露，落得個(gè)身心俱疲，還不如實(shí)話(huà)實(shí)說(shuō)。也因為他希望能結識跟他一樣的男人，產(chǎn)生能發(fā)展下去的好感，甚至相愛(ài)。
And so far, there’s been no terrible price. His family doesn’t wholly understand him, but they want and resolve to. For every friend who now keeps a distance, there’s another who draws closer.
迄今為止，他并沒(méi)有付出什么可怕的代價(jià)。他的家人無(wú)法徹底理解他，但他們有去理解的意愿和決心。朋友中既有從此疏遠的，也有越來(lái)越近的。
He’s overwhelmed with relief.
他感到莫大的寬慰。
But he wishes there were a way to be honest without wearing a tag, without being put in a category, without one adjective preceding all others when people describe him. Their tendency do so is a constant reminder that he’s not “normal.”
但是他希望在以真面目示人的同時(shí)，不要被扣著(zhù)一個(gè)帽子，被歸入某一類(lèi)，他不想別人在描述他時(shí)，總在最前面加一個(gè)形容詞。他們的這種習慣等于在不斷提醒他，自己并非“常人”。
So are the laws of his land. It’s illegal in many places for two men or two women to have sex. It’s legal in most places for them to be fired because of who and how they love. Even the language in public discussions sends an ugly signal. People are congratulated for their “tolerance” of gays and lesbians.
他身處之地的法律也是這樣。在很多地方，兩個(gè)男人或兩個(gè)女人的性行為是違法的。在多數地方，一個(gè)人施愛(ài)的對象與方式，可以成為被解雇的合法理由。連公共討論中的語(yǔ)言都在釋放不堪的信號。對同性戀男女的“寬容”成為一種值得夸耀的東西。
He is someone to be tolerated.
他是一個(gè)需要被容忍的人。
And he is always having to explain, to one inquisitive person after another, that he didn’t choose this path, that it’s not a statement or a caprice, that he neither rues nor relishes it, that it’s just there: fundamental, foundational, forever. The ritual grinds him down.
他要不斷向一個(gè)又一個(gè)好奇的人解釋?zhuān)@條路不是他自己選的，這不是一種聲張或任性，他既沒(méi)有后悔，也不以此為樂(lè )，它就在腳下——一條原有的、根本的、永恒的路。這反復進(jìn)行的問(wèn)答是一種折磨。
I can speak for a 30-year-old man who owns and lives in a house in the suburbs with another man his age. They’re romantic partners. A couple. A white picket fence surrounds the yard behind their red brick colonial. It keeps the German shepherd from straying off.
我可以為一個(gè)30歲男人說(shuō)幾句，他和另一個(gè)跟他年齡相仿的男人住在郊區一座他自己的房子里。他們是情侶。是一對。這座殖民地風(fēng)格的紅磚房的后院，圍著(zhù)白色籬笆。這樣就不怕他們的德國牧羊犬走丟了。
But this fantasy has been edited, abridged. The man and his partner have never spoken of children, because that would involve special, intricate arrangements and because most people don’t really approve.
但是，這種美夢(mèng)般的生活是經(jīng)過(guò)了修改和刪節的。這名男子和他的伴侶從未提到過(guò)孩子的事，因為這件事會(huì )牽扯到特殊而復雜的安排，也因為大多數人不會(huì )真的贊同。
They have never hugged in the front yard, never kissed in front of a window, because what would the neighbors think? What would the neighbors do?
他們從未在屋前的草坪上擁抱，也不曾在窗前親吻。要那樣的話(huà)，鄰居會(huì )怎么想？又會(huì )采取什么行動(dòng)？
And while he thinks of these as minor adjustments, to the extent that he thinks of them at all, there’s a toll to such vigilance. It’s that old self-consciousness in a new form. And there’s a longing beneath it — to be appraised solely on the expanse and the limits of his talents, on the goodness he musters and the goodness he lacks. To be deemed and regarded as the equal of anybody else.
盡管他認為這些都只是細微的調整，以至于都不會(huì )真正去思考，這種小心翼翼也是有代價(jià)的。這是舊的自我意識的新表現形式。它的背后隱藏著(zhù)一種渴望——希望人們在評判他時(shí)，只看才能的高超與局限、美德的發(fā)揚與缺欠。希望自己被視作與其他人平等的人。
I can speak for a 45-year-old man who marvels gratefully at the changes all around him. Although he himself doesn’t plan to have kids — he has too little energy at this point, and is too set in his ways — he sees many gay and lesbian couples starting families. If they live in the right places, they pretty much blend in.
我可以為一名45歲男人說(shuō)幾句。他在用感激而驚奇的態(tài)度看待自己身邊的變化。盡管他自己并不打算要孩子——他目前精力不夠，而且已經(jīng)非常習慣自己的生活方式——他看到許多男女同性戀都建立了家庭。只要住對了地方，基本上不會(huì )顯得礙眼。
But there are still wrong places, and there’s still plenty of oxygen for religious extremists who brand people like him wretched, evil, godless. In some countries, these extremists do more than brand. They kill, and it’s a horrific thing to know and to see. In the man’s country, the extremists don’t go that far, and they’re increasingly a minority, but they’re undaunted, unabashed and too often indulged.
但還是有不對的地方，給像他這樣的人貼上“討厭”、“邪惡”、“不信神”標簽的宗教極端主義者，仍然有廣闊的生存空間。在有些國家，這些極端主義者所做的不僅是貼標簽。他們還會(huì )殺戮。了解和目睹這種事情是十分恐怖的。在這個(gè)男人所在的國家，極端主義者還沒(méi)有那么過(guò)分，他們正在逐漸成為少數群體，但他們毫不畏懼、不知羞愧，時(shí)常受到縱容。
He wonders when he’ll see more cracks in that indulgence. It’s time.
他想知道，什么時(shí)候這種縱容能出現裂縫?，F在時(shí)機到了。
In 2015, on the last Friday of a month fittingly associated with both weddings and gay pride, there’s something bigger than a crack. There’s a rupture.
2015年，在恰好與婚禮和同性戀游行相關(guān)的月份的最后一個(gè)周五，出現的不只是裂縫。是一次徹底決裂。
Following a few extraordinary years during which one state after another legalized same-sex marriage, the Supreme Court rules that all states must do so, that the Constitution demands it, that it’s a matter of “equal dignity in the eyes of the law,” as Justice Anthony Kennedy writes.
過(guò)去的幾年是不同尋常的，一個(gè)接著(zhù)一個(gè)的州實(shí)現了同性婚姻合法化；而現在，最高法院裁定所有州都必須這樣做。正如大法官安東尼·肯尼迪(Anthony Kennedy)所寫(xiě)，這是憲法的要求，關(guān)乎“法律面前的平等尊嚴”。
I can speak for a 50-year-old man who expected this to happen but still can’t quite believe it, because it seemed impossible when he was young, because it seemed implausible even when he was a bit older, and because everything is different now, or will be.
我可以為一名50歲男人說(shuō)幾句。這是他的愿望，但他至今仍覺(jué)得難以置信，因為在他年幼時(shí)，這似乎根本不可能；因為當他年歲稍長(cháng)時(shí)，這仍然顯得不可想象；因為一切都發(fā)生了改變，或即將發(fā)生改變。
Tomorrow’s 12-year-old won’t feel the foreboding that yesterday’s did. Tomorrow’s 16-year-old will be less likely to confront, sort through and reject so many sad stereotypes of what it means to be gay or lesbian.
將來(lái)，12歲的孩子不會(huì )再像過(guò)去的孩子那樣，對事情那么消極悲觀(guān)；16歲的少年，應該也不大會(huì )需要對抗、探索和否定那么多關(guān)于同性戀的令人難過(guò)的刻板印象。
There won’t be so many apologies and explanations for the 20-year-old, 30-year-old or 45-year-old, and there won’t be such a ready acceptance of limits. There won’t be the same limits, period.
對于20歲、30歲和45歲的人，不會(huì )再有如此多的道歉和解釋?zhuān)藗円膊粫?huì )像現在一樣準備接受相關(guān)的限制。將來(lái)不會(huì )再存在同樣的限制，就是這樣。
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